Play It Again, Madonna???

Rumors have surfaced (and not just in my lunch room) that Madonna is wanting to remake the film "Casablanca."  And we all know, what Madonna wants, Madonna gets!!!  I imagine she's like an overgrown child and the world is her candy shop (more like sex shop, but you get the idea).  She points to something like, I want to write children's books... BAM!  It's on the shelf -- hopefully not right next to her "SEX" book where she's naked in all the photos.  If she wants to be British... BAM!  Greencard, accent, castle on the Moors!   And now, she wants to be a 20-something Swedish woman... BAM!!!

Kill Speidi!!! TGIF!!!

So these two douche-o-bouches can't even break up without doing it together! According to TMZ the couple is on the "outs," yet visiting Las Vegas together, but in separate rooms. I'm sure we can expect their break-up photo album any day. "Here's one of me giving Spence back the teddy bear he won for me back when we did that photo shoot for US Magazine."

Shout out to Hills for bringing this one to my attention.

P.S. could Speidi be any gayer???

The World Is A Very Sick Place!!!

So, police in Ohio have arrested a man who was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table.

Art Price Jr., 40, was arrested after a neighbor videotaped him engaged sexually with a picnic table. The crazy table humper was seen on four separate occasions -- always between 10:30 a.m. and noon -- having sex with the picnic table!!! Apparently, he's totally nude in the vid sticking his whoo ha into the hole that's supposed to hold the umbrella. He is now facing a felony charge! I feel sorry for the table. Let's hope it doesn't end up on Ebay!

Thank you, Assley for sending me this little tid bit.

Update: Here's Art's super spesh mug shot!!!

Nicholas Brendon Is Koo Koo For Coffee!!!

Once hot and employed Nicholas Brendon was seen (I mean stalked) by our very own celebrity spy, Tay Tay, sitting out at our local Starbucks (Main Street and Marine in Venice) hording several coffees and chain smoking. According to Tay, Nicky's do-able factor has fallen since his days on Buffy, claiming he was scruffy wearing an old t-shirt and jeans with Oakley sunglasses from 1992 -- I told you, Tay Tay stalks her prey like on Animal Planet!!!

Wombats (And Poison Drummer) Gone Wild!!!

Just when you thought it was safe to drop the soap in the shower... Both of these, er beings have been accused of rape in the last 48 hours. Mr. Wombat here allegedly raped this guy in New Zealand and now the man is speaking a different language... okay not really, he's speaking with an Australian accent instead of his native New Zealand accent. Local authorities believe alcohol may have been involved. Like no, shizzle!!!

Back in Los Angeles, former hairdresser gone drummer, Rikki Rockett, was arrested for allegedly raping someone in Mississippi. Details of this assault have not been released. Rikki should beg Brett to give him a gig on ROL2.

Crazy Is The New Mugshot!!!

What is it about being on "Grey's Anatomy" that turns people into derogatory messes??? First Isiah and his gay bashing and now Justin Chambers is bringing on his drug/crazy induced chauvinist pig! According to Star Magazine (the most legit paper in town) is saying that Chambers was chilling at a bar in Palm Springs (without his wife) drifting in and out of consciousness, rambled incoherently and hit on a waitress. When she basically told him no, he slapped money from her hand and "As she picked it up off the floor, he said, 'That's right, bitch, that's where you belong. Pick up the money!'

Side bar: wasn't Robert Downey Jr. in Palm Springs when he was found with a gram of coke and dressed up like Wonder Woman? Forget Vegas... What happens in The Springs stays in The Springs!!!Just for funzies!!!

Amy Winehouse Not Going Back To Rehab... Big Surprise!!!

Amy Winehouse has made the executive decision not to go back to rehab. After rumors surfaced that she would go to South Africa for treatment, as England is filled with her dealers, Amy is kicking the idea of rehab all together.

Kill Heidi and Spencer!!!

I am being forced to do this, as "Speidi" continues to plague the world with their publicity whoring! Every time I see them visually assault us with their precious moments I'm going to reach into the bag of movie villains and slay the little beasties!

Is Miley The New Britney???

According to TMZ, most of Britney's paps have abandoned the fallen star and have flocked to snap pics of the Hannah Montana teen queen! I know this is mean -- but Miley started it with her ridicule of Britney late last year -- I hope miss prim and proper losses her shiz after being stalked every minute of every day!

You know Billy Ray is totally psyched about it though. I imagine him sitting at his vanity (pics of him during his Achy Breaky Heart phase taped to the mirror) flat ironing his highlighted hair!

Run, Katie, Run!!!

Star Magazine is reporting that Katie is finally dying a slow death from being married to number one looney, Tom Cruise. The robot has run out of batteries, folks, and I don't think there is enough fairy dust in the world to bring her back!

Also, I'm loving the "don't ask, don't tell" clause in their marriage... what is this, the army??? I don't care how rich, famous or used to be hot Tom is -- if my man came back from a three day tranny binge, I'm going to be like "no way, jose!"

Gook luck, Katie. May the force be with you.

The Girl's Just Working A Stiff... I Mean A Working Stiff!!!

Grab your hand baskets kids, because I'm totally going to hell for this one!!!  My excuse? I don't write the news I just report it.  Assley sent me this little news tid bit today about a man who hired a stripper for a funeral to carry out his son's final wishes.  Even in death, all men really want is a good lap dance. 

Renee Zellweger looks scary!!!

Can you believe Fug is the new black? Renee showed up to the premiere of her new film "Leatherheads" looking like one! Her hair like straw and her face all oily. How is it that she is still working? She can barely open her eyes and her lips are permanently shaped like a cat's ass!

For super spesh red carpet photos, head on over to dlisted

Is Brett Michaels Really Bald Under There???

Rumors have recently surfaced that the nappy locks on Brett's head are fake. Firstly, I'm not surprised that the aging rocker would have to not only use viagra in the bedroom, but mop top it to keep his rock god status!!! Could you imagine the bald eagle above hitting it with all those young girls? Still, would it really matter? I mean look at all the girls that hook up with Flavor Flav. That's enough to make you lose your lunch.

I would post more on "Rock of Love 2," but since the three people who read this blog still have the latest episode growing cobwebs in their TiVo, I am not allowed! All I'm going to say is "Oh my God, Daisy!"

My Dream Come True!!!

Wouldn't you love to resurrect Jason Voorhees for just a day to take out Heidi and Spencer? Can these two do ANYTHING without calling the press for a photo op? Barf!!!

Jason, Jason, Jason... Kill, Kill, Kill!!!!!!

Now You Can Have Your Face Done When You Have An Oil Change!!!

Just because Daniel Serrano looks like he should be on "Nip/Tuck" does not make him a doctor! I guess a bunch of celebs, including Priscilla Presley flocked to get injected by the Argentinian hunk with his "high end botox," but ended up with a lube job!!! Turns out the miracle botox was actually industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts! Totally gross! The best part is, the Feds are holding the celebu-wives (who held the botox parties for Dr. Mc-not-so-dreamy) accountable and charging them as accomplices for passing off the bogus botox! Let's hope Lionel Richie's wife ends up in the clink -- just for shiz and giggs!

Dead Guy Is Feeling Great!!!

So this guy in Texas was declared legally brain dead after 4 months of being in a coma and they were about to harvest his organs when he suddenly woke up. His family and friends were at the hospital paying their last respects when he moved his foot. He was released from the hospital 48 hours later and is now "feeling great"! I guess miracles really do happen!!!

Hogan Doesn't Know Best!!!

Remember when the Hogans were living on their little ranch somewhere down south, where their only problem was the neighbor complaining about the chickens? Boy have times changed for them!!! It's true what they say about the further you climb up the ladder, the more your ass shows! Well, I would say we have four huge asses hanging down now! First, Nick and the car accident, then the divorce and now Hulk is sleeping with Brooke's friend??? All I can say is... Get yo shiz t'getha folks!!!

In the meantime, I'd like to pitch my new reality show "The Hogans Go To Hell" -- so if any execs from MTV are reading this, gimme a holler!

Update: It looks like the lawsuit against the Hogan's is about to get SUPER hairy!!! Not only did the Hogans own both cars that were involved in the street race, the Hulkster apparently bought the kids booze on the day of the crash! Naughty, naughty!!!

Happy Easter!!!

Enjoy the Peep Show!  Thanks to Lori for sending this my way!

Let The Feathers Fly!!!

It's World Pillow Fight Day tomorrow!!! Get your pillows and panties ready!!!

Kate Can't Stop Talking About The "P" Word???

So last month Kate told some magazine, referring to her private parts -- "Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh's Tomb!" I'm not sure why, but I imagine an excavation team going in and finding dead mummies, cobwebs and really smelly old things.

Anyhooters, now she is comparing eating sushi, to, well... Here's what the "Underworld" beauty had to say, "I have to say, sushi freaks me out more than almost anything. At least a vagina would be warm."

Please, Kate, it's okay to find a new topic.

This Puts The Ass In Assley's Corner!!!

So a woman went into the hospital for a new leg and instead they gave her a new anus! Allegedly, charts were switched -- the old chart switch-a-roo gag always holds up in court -- and the unknown woman received some other person's new a-hole! Imagine the surprise of the patient who woke up with a new leg!!! Happy Birthday!!!

Sick As A Dog!!!

Sorry I've been out sick with the flu for a few days. I feel very behind, but let me see if I can't play a little catch up!

Lori Petty Mails Her Own Mail???

Our super spesh celebrity snooper was out and about today in Santa Monica and spotted Lori Petty mailing a large manila envelope at the Mailboxes Etc wannabe on Ocean Blvd. Our spywitness went in to mail a belated Valentine's card and there was Lori frolicking among the peanuts. Apparently, she was dressed like a total skater, but toting her Gucci hand bag! Loves it, Lori!

Welcome To The Trailer Park!!!

So these amazing photos just ended up in my inbox entitled -- "What stars would look like if they moved to Missouri" There are about 15 that came in, but I picked my top 6. I spent my college years living in Columbia, MO where I rode mechanical bulls for pitchers of beer, tipped cows (who got super pissed and chased us down) and got arrested for stealing a Domino's truck (not a good idea for those of you considering this course of action). Top from l. to r. Johnny Depp/JLo and Marc Anthony/Tom Cruise -- Bottom from l. to r. Nicole Kidman/Becks and Posh/Pamela Anderson. p.s. Ubber thanks to the folks at Planethiltron.com for the super trashy pics!

Have An Ab Fab Birthday, Sheila!!!

I know this has nothing to do with goss, but I had to wish a very Happy Birthday to one of the most important people in my life!!! This woman was a huge influence in my life and continues to be so and anyone in her life is blessed to know her. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm being all sensitive and shiz, but come on!!!

TGIF!!!

Hop on the short bus, kids!!!  I LOVE that the looney bin is the new rehab!

With Steve-O tucked in tight at LA's Thalian Medical Center, I thought I might recap the last year of celebs gone crazy!  Have a great weekend!!!

Are Brangelina Finally Getting Hitched???

Where there's smoke, I gotta believe there's fire!!! I actually am very happy that they are finally going to tie the knot. I mean for reals, kids... do it already. I imagine their wedding a skydiving affair with all the children strapped to gigantic parachutes! It's just a thought.

Shout out to Jaime for the post idea!

Someone Dropped A Bomb In The Toilet... Pee Yew!

Leave it to the National Guard to drop a bomb in someone's toilet... and it was real!!! Poor Jeremy Isbell of Tulsa, Oklahoma came home to find he no longer had a place to ponder his deep thoughts, as his bathroom had been demolished. The pilot of the aircraft thought he was dropping his load over a field in Kansas... because I guess a neighborhood in Tulsa resembles a field in Kansas??? Yes, folks, our tax dollars at work!!! Surprise!

p.s. to the pilot... I have a coupon for Lens Crafters I'd be happy to give you.  I think it's time to have your eyes checked.

Coco's Freak Of The Week!!!

Angelyne has unearthed herself from her Tupperwear tomb to make a recent appearance (looks like the Malibu shopping center). Coco dug up this pic for your viewing pleasure. She might burn your eyes out, so look with caution.
Remember when Angelyne was semi feirce? It was the 80s... shoulder pads were fierce. I'm just going to stop myself before I share something too personal like I once dressed up like Boy George and videotaped myself (with the 900 lb video camera) singing and dancing to Karma Chameleon!!!

Hot Property For Sale!

New rumors have surfaced that the 90210 mans is up for grabs again. After Aaron's death, Candy dispelled claims that the estate would find new owners. I will keep my ears peeled on this one. I can't imagine Candy ever giving up her Beverly Hills Neverland! If the rumors are true, you know Candy will have to rep the property herself... no need parting with one of her kabillion dollars!

Larry Flint Has The Midas Touch!!!

Our super spesh spy witness, spotted Hustler's Larry flint sitting pretty in his solid gold wheelchair in Hollywood today. Sorry for the rear end shot, but we are lucky to even have a pic here at HYG!

Welcome To The Coven, Jodie!!!

While other sites are focusing on Jodie's stalker, I'm here to report the real story. Jodie Foster's been hitting the restylane and trying to hide behind a stalker story! Girl, if you're going to join the wax face club, it's time to get the eyes done. Knifestyles of the rich and famous is NOT about subtlety.

It's Back To The Schlong Thong For Idol's David Hernandez

I can't say I'm surprised that old banana sack is headed back to where ever the hell he's from. David Hernandez, unsurprisingly, got the boot last nite on American Idol. His rendition of The Beatles "I Saw Her Standing There" was whorendous!!! He gyrated around the stage like he was working for a couple $20s and America was not turned on by the performance!

He Was Drunk And Most Likely With Gov. Spitzer

So according to Yahoo news, John Daly (trailer park trash pro golfer) missed his tee time for his pro-am round at Bay Hill.  I really don't give a crap about this story, but I had to put this pic up with him next to Lloyd Christmas from "Dumb and Dumber!"  What's going on with John's hair???  Mullet + Bowl cut = Mullcut!!

Danny Bonaduce A Lesbian???

So this is "Sex and the City's" Cynthia Nixon's lesbo lover!  Cynthia is outspoken (out being the key word) about her love for her bitch.  Is it just me or is there a scary resemblance?

Bag Of Bones??? And It's Not Keira Knightley!!!

So, this poor old lady in Germany was trying to carry out her brother's dying wish -- which I assume was to be ripped of all flesh, stuffed in a plastic bag and then finally come to rest in his sister's 50-year-old garage sale suitcase -- and the airport security had their nerve to stop her and demand to know why her brother was in her suitcase. In the end, it was all worked out after the old lady agreed to buy a full price seat for her brother on the plane. Then they all had a pint and a good laugh!

K-Fed Goes Blonde!!!

Apparently, Britney's ex is going to star in the Broadway show "Legally Blonde." Is he kidding??? I would actually feel sorry for the girl who plays Elle, who has spent her entire life training and working hard to get where she is and in walks this douche who can't even rap let alone sing, act, dance, bartend... The only thing this guy does is marry/divorce well, make babies and get high (maybe he and Dawn Wells would hit it off?)

I also love how this leak comes quickly after Brit Brit's "How I Met Your Mother" announcement. Can 't K-Fed just let a bi-polar, mildly schizophrenic, recovering pop star have her moment???

Mary Ann loves Mary Jane!!!

Dawn Wells, best known for playing Mary Ann on Gilligan's Island, has been busted while attending the Spud Fest in Idaho (sweeeeet) for spliffin'!!! After she looped around the highway a few times, the cops picked her up and found four half smoked joints in her car. The authorities were not fooled by her tale of three long gone hitchhikers as the smoke billowed out of her car.

On a personal note, Dawn came to my college to perform in a play a few years back. My favorite memory of her was standing outside Sam's Club wearing her Mary Ann outfit (along with a fur coat as it was winter) and signing autographs!

Is The Travelocity Gnome The New Big Foot???

According to the "Hey You Guys" special ed correspondent, Assley (who will soon be posting under "Assley's Corner"), this little dude was spotted lurking about a small town in Argentina. One witness describes the encounter, "We looked to one side and saw that the grass was moving. To begin with we thought it was a dog but when we saw this gnome-like figure begin to emerge we were really afraid." He goes on to say, "This is no joke. One of my friends was so scared after seeing that thing that we had to take him to the hospital"

Travelocity... come get your flipping gnome!!!

Brit Brit on a spending leash???

Papa spears is putting brit brit on an allowance of her own money!!! The former pop princess has been curbed to only $1500 dollars a week?? How's miss thing going to tighten that weave or buy some daisy dukes on that kind of budget??? Maybe she'll figure out that Sunset Blvd. isn't that far away and that she can earn herself a cool $50 in a parking lot.

Guess Who's Out Of Rehab...Again???

Pat O'Brien has just returned from another stint in the voluntary slammer! I'm taking bets on his imminent return!!!

The Witches Of Botox

And the head of the coven!Seriously though, can't these ladies afford their own faces???