Elijah Wood Isn't Gay???

So our spy witness Tay Tay was in Whole Foods on National last nite -- As she was buying some aged cheddar with a gouda crust at the cheese counter she noticed a short hobbit-like character walk by. At second glance, she realized it was THE hobbit... none other than Elijah Woods! True to form, Tay Tay stalked him thru the dairy aisle (like a lion bearing down on a helpless gazelle), where she couldn't help but notice him sucking face with his hobbit like girlfriend.

Again, since we are so broke ass here at HYG, Tay Tay's (our celebrity hound) camera phone is busted. So we will do our best describing him... He was wearing jeans, brown Sketcher shoes and tucked in/buttoned up blue and white checkered shirt.

Paula "Can't String A Sentence Together" Abdul Strikes Again!!!

So, tonite on Idol, when asked to sum up the first round of songs (out of two -- the second not had not been sung yet), Paula critiqued both songs for Jason Dredlocks. Obviously in her drugged out stupor she was hearing double!!! My fav has to be like two seasons ago when she said... "Cereal in one hand and lettuce don't sing well." I'm hoping next week, she just spontaneously just yells out "Fish Taco!!!"

Has Ryan Seacrest Finally Jumped The Shark???

I guess there are rumors floating around that the ratings on American Idol are so bad that producers of the show are blaming Ryan for the viewer drop-off.

However, TMZ says otherwise -- "In case you don't know, we have spies! We're told producers are privately laughing at the stories because the ratings are still through the roof and "Idol" pulls in a s**tload of money. And so does Ryan Seacrest, who ain't going nowhere."

Below is the Fonz jumping the shark just for shiz and giggs!!!

Eric Red and Michael Pare Go "100 Feet"!!!

Later in the day at FangoCon, I went to check out a panel with Eric Red (The Hitcher/Body Parts/Bad Moon) and Michael Pare (Eddie and the Cruisers/Bad Moon/Streets of Fire) as they were there talking about their new scary movie "100 Feet"! I am a HUGE fan of Eric Red (as everyone knows) and I can't wait until this movie comes out. The film also stars Famke Janssen (X-Men) and Ed Westwick (Gossip Girl).

The film is about a woman (Famke) who has just been released from prison and is now under house arrest for killing her husband... unfortunately her hubby isn't over it! His ghost is in the house and it's time for a little payback!

Check out the trailer... it's freaking fierce, people!!!

Guess Who Went To FangoCon???

So I totally got my freak on this weekend at Fangoria Magazine's "FangoCon"!!! This place was swarming with hard core horror fans -- loves it! Above I snuck a photo of Gunnar Hansen (aka Leatherface) signing autographs, as I was too cheap to pay the $20 all the "celebs" were charging for pics and autographs.

Also at the con there were a ton of people dressed up as psychos, but just as many girls wearing barely any clothes with blood dripping off them -- fierce!

Below is a pic of this crazy-ass bunny going around doing... well not much, but staring people down with his one freako eye. I totally didn't get the premise of the film he was promoting, even though he explained it to me like 4 times. Either I'm really slow... or the film makes no sense???

Two And A Half Celebrity Sightings

While on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica today, Coco and I saw Jimmy Fallon and Michelle Rodriguez. Then Coco saw Jimmy again, so we considered it a half another sighting!!! Unfortunately, we don't have any of our own pics to document all the sightings we have -- as no one here seems to have a working camera in their phone.

I have decided it is time to add a donation button to the page. It doesn't have to be money, maybe just your old phone that kind of still works and has a semi functioning camera!!!

Yikes... Scientology Style!

So, Coco here at HYG received this super spesh L. Ron Hubbard postcard in the mail yesterday!!! Apparently, the last person who lived at her apartment was a Scientologist... personally I'm going to keep my eye on her!

Any of you living in the Los Angeles area can have your brainwashed and your bank accounts emptied at the "Clear Body, Clear Mind" lecture! Getting in is completely free, but leaving will cost you your soul! Could Demi Moore be a Scientologist in Kabbalah's clothing??? See below for more info on Demi's soul sucking.

Be there or be hiding in your home curled up in the fetal position like me! P.S. the tiger stamp is Scientology Fierce!!!

Don't Drop The Soap, Wes!!!

After being convicted of tax evasion and sentenced to 3 flippin' years in the clink, Wesley Snipes had this to say, "I am an idealistic, naive, passionate, truth-seeking, spiritually motivated artist, unschooled in the science of law and finance" blah, blah, blah... What does that even mean??? Sounds like Scientology to me -- all that spiritual take the money and run mumbo jumbo! Pay your taxes, Mr. Snipes!!!

Leeches??? I Think Not!!!

Demi Moore claims she stays young by being leeched... I say she's doing voodoo rituals over Ashton Kutcher's sleeping body and sucking the life right out of him. Also, her bevy of plastic surgeons don't hurt the cause of eternal youth for Ms. Gimme Moore (her industry pet name).

Ashton, this woman has stolen your soul... head to the nearest Indian tribe, chug some Peyote and chase your spirit down all Jim Morrison like.

Set Your TiVos!!!

So, the beautiful and talented Missy Doty is going to be guest starring on "My Name Is Earl" next Thurs. (May 1) on NBC! This is very exciting news because Ms. Doty is Hey You Guys' fav actress! Recently, Missy has been recurring her character, Keira Walker (not to be confused with Walker, Texas Ranger), on NBC's "Las Vegas"!!!

Seperated At Birth!!!

Not only do Richie Sambora and Michael Myers look alike, they have both been accused of child endangerment!

Happy Earth Day!!!

This is a teaser for a short film (called "Earth Day") I made a few years ago with a friend of mine! Hope you enjoy!!!

The World Is Going To Pot... Part Deux!

"Can I have a large pepperoni pizza and a dime bag???"

So, some Pizza Hut manager in Fort Smith, Arkansas sold marijuana from the drive thru window. Remember the good old days when you had to... ya know hide buying drugs??? Now it's just "do you want a joint with that?" I guess I'm just old fashioned!

Kate and Owen's Miami Romp???

Looks more like "Weekend at Bernie's" to me! I think Owen's playing possum -- "Maybe if I play dead, she'll take her patchouli smelling ass somewhere's else." Seriously, we all know the girl smells like patchouli. I think Kate and Woody would make a better couple, they can just run around nude together frolicking among nature and shiz!

Happy Monday!

Kill me now!

A Tribute To Jazz...

This is my official 100th post on Hey You Guys and I wanted to dedicate it to Jazzy!!! Ashley, of the famed Assley's Corner, is the proud mommy of this amazing cat! Jazz was diagnosed with cancer this week and it has been hard on us all, but not as hard as it has been on Ash. We love you Ash and we are here for you.

I'm sorry to all my loyal 10 readers about posting something so heavy on a Friday afternoon, but this is important to me. The good news is, Jazz is still with us and we will def be having a party for him soon! Jazz is our "Rock of Love" mascot, always sitting aloofly on the keyboard of Ash's laptop, but I know inside he wanted Daisy to win.

We love you Jazz!!!

Coco's Freak Of The Week!!!

So if you don't know who this is... it's Donny Osmond hosting my fav event of the year, Miss USA, presented by The Donald! If you didn't read my earlier post about it, this sucker was Trantastic! I swear these women were tucking!

Sarah Burke Is Fierce!!

So, I was lucky enough at "The Billies" to sit next to the amazing and incomparable Sarah Burke. If you don't know who she is, you should!!! She is the fiercest skier who has taken Xtreme to the next level! She skis better than I... well do most anything! Also, we had a grand old time running around snapping pics of the celebs at the event. Below is Sarah posing with Drew Lachey and Sharon Osborne!!!

I Heart Elton John!

I was lucky enough to attend "The Billies" (named after Billie Jean King -- who kicked some guy's ass in tennis during the '70s, then everyone burned their bras after the event) this week, which is the celebration of women in sports. Unfortunately, I don't know a thing about sports except where the nearest place I can get a beer. However, I did get to meet some fab athletes and Elton John played a fierce concert! I have never before considered myself a big Elton fan, but those days are over (at least according to my itunes bill)! I know how lame this is, but I only had my iPhone with me, so below is my pic of Elton singing! Also, the back of Sharon Osborne's head -- bonus points!

Kill Speidi Part 5!!!

So soon???  Not a day goes by...

Didn't they break up in Las Vegas together???  What isn't a photo op for these two media whores?  I swear they're going to invite the media in to their bathroom and show us how they keep their teeth so scary white!  p.s. you know Spence sits when he tinks!

The World Is Going To Pot!!!

So two a**hole teenagers from, I'm assuming the trailer parks of all trailer parks in Ohio, forced a 2-year-old baby to smoke pot! The brain dead teens were even stupid enough to videotape it. I can only imagine the scene taking place... "this is going to be so cool.. hee hee.. we can put it up on youtube" "tha's awesome.. hee hee..."

As if these two douche bags couldn't get any more stupid, they pawned the camera with the tape still in it! Luckily, the police have stepped in and are hopefully going to improve our small world by sending them to the clinker!

Speidi Is At It Again!!!

Yet another installment of "Kill Heidi and Spencer."  I wouldn't be forced to kill them with famous killers if they would just stop leaving the house!!!

When are these two going to learn that they need to head on down to their rightful place on the D-List celebrity status peg??? They should be cutting ribbons on the opening day of Miss Daisy's Piggly Wiggly rather than launching clothing lines and appearing on TRL. Honestly, what is wrong with us as a society that we keep buying mags with them on the cover???

Attention all paps -- stop taking their damn picture, yo!!!

Who's Yo' Daddy???

This vid is so high-larious I can barely deal! Wait for Andrew to totally get jiggy with it and bring the house down! Show mama how you roll!!!

God Bless The Yankees!!!

I'm loving that Pope Benedict is coming to Yankee Stadium in a week and holding mass! If the Yankees can't take home the world series with that kind of blessing, I don't know what to tell ya...

Catholics are coming from all over the U.S. to grab a seat in the nose bleed section if they are lucky enough to get a ticket. I hope he rolls up in the Pope Mobile! It's the only way to ride!

Bret Michaels Is An Ass!!!

Was Bret kidding last nite on the finale of VH1's "Rock of Love 2" when he chose Ambre over Daisy??? I'm sure there is a hanging chad somewhere here... I demand a recount!!! Call Jeb Bush!!!

As I'm sure you all have guessed, we are totally Team Daisy. Ambre was in it to win it and nothing more. She's all about boosting her career, not about nurturing Bret's heart. Okay, that was even too cheesy for me! I can't wait for the reunion show next week where I'm sure Bret and Ambre will announce that they are only going to be "good friends" -- also there are sure to be some Jerry Springer beat downs.

But seriously, can ya'll believe Bret chose this...


OVER THIS???

Scientology Imprint Or Just An Idiot???

We have a lot to discuss about the weekend, but I'm going to start with Marie Osmond and her chicken scrawled hand. Donny and Marie hosted Miss USA on Friday nite and let me just start by saying the women in the program were nothing if not Trantastic!!! Literally, I think Wesley Snipes came out in his To Wong Foo gear and won it as Miss Texas!

So, I hosted a Miss USA party at my pad on Friday (we here at Hey You Guys throw a party for everything!). We decided the drinking game of the nite was going to be whenever Donny and Marie did something stupid. Cut to: ten minutes into the show and were all wasted!!!

If anyone can determine WTF is written on Marie's hand, I will feature anything you want on the blog this week.

Bingo Gets Ugly At McDonalds!

Imagine enjoying a lovely game of BINGO and your seniored discounted Big Mac when suddenly a huge Caddy driven by a 90-year-old woman comes crashing through. Luckily, no one was hurt, but the BINGO game was over. Witnesses claim "there were BINGO spotters every where! And no one went home with the macrame owls."

Finally, A Sports Team I Can Get Behind!!!

This is soooooo awesome!!! An all midget soccer team! I say "screw Beckham," let's get these guys in LA to play for the Galaxy! Their wives are probably way less annoying.

Ice... On Ice!!

Super lame wanna-be rapper, Vanilla Ice (aka Robert Van Winkle) has been arrested (in Palm Beach) for kickin' the living crap out of his wife, Linda.  He was arrested for the exact same thing back in 2004.  She claims the fight was over a bedroom set she recently bought... he claims she's a crazy ass bipolar bitch and needs her meds.  These two knuckle heads!!!  They wouldn't win jack on The Newlywed Game!

To add insult to injury, animal control is still pissed at Vanil for letting his wallaroo and goat run wild in the streets.

What Is It About Daisy That Makes People Crazy???

So, the crazies on myspace are at it again! Last month, I reported that Danielle and Kelly were stalking Daisy (http://myfavshiz.blogspot.com/2008/03/stalkerlicious.html) -- there have been updates that they continue their dirty work, but now there is a new psycho in town... jeffsbeautifulwife!!! I can't resist reporting this stuff!!! P.S. you all know that everyone here at Hey You Guys are "Rock of Love" addicts.

jeffsbeautifulwife intended this email for Daisy, but the crazy lady sent it to one of Daisy's many fan sites:I love how hillbilly the email is. This is soooooo stalkerlicious!!!!

R2D2 Is In Need Of Repair!!!

According to TMZ, the guy who played R2D2, Kenny Baker was rushed to an English hospital last night immediately after getting off a plane from Chicago. Baker's son told reporters that the pint-sized star has problems with asthma, although friends initially thought the 73-year-old's condition was more serious.

Did anyone know there was someone in there?? I just figured he was remote controlled or something.

Kenny, May the force be with you!

Johnny Depp Is Getting Married!!!

Finally, Mr. Depp is going to make an honest woman out of long-time girlfriend and babies-mama, Vanessa Paradis. Nups are supposed to take place on June 14th. It will be a low-key family affair -- with only 50 paparazzi helicopters circling above and about 1,000 stalkerazzis on the ground!

Nothing Is More Romantic Than A Nazi!!!

So Tom Cruise's latest creepy opus, Valkyrie's release date has been pushed back (again) to February 13, 2009. Valentine's Day weekend??? Are they koo koo for coco puffs, or are Scientologists just that nutty?

United Artist claims the movie is so good that they had to push back the date to a bigger weekend. I love how Tom Cruise's studio says Tom Cruise's movie is that good... like they're going to say it sucks ass like the last movie they released "Lions For Lambs" (what the hell does that title even mean?). Let's be honest, the only cool thing Tom has produced in the last few years is Suri!!! She's just so darn cute!

Das Boot!!!

Adam Carolla needs to stick with what he does best... talking about man stuff!!! The sex advice not-so-guru was ousted from "Dancing with the Stars" this week, giving Priscilla Presley aka Jiffy Face another week to dance her botox off! Next year, please get Steve-O on the show, as Carolla is only one step above the Jackass alum.

Happily Ever After... Again???

The romantic fairy tale continues for Pamela Anderson as she rotates back to one of her old flames, Chris Angel. Pam is notorious for her stable of men and keeps adding to it. Soon she will be back with Kid Rock/Tommy Lee/Rick Solomon/anyone who wants to catch Hep C!!!

Also, thanks to the folks at E!, we will shortly have our eyes burned out as Pamela stars in her own reality show (big surprise) called... wait for it... "Pamela" -- I know it was a let down for me, too.

Indiana Jones And The Cave Of Cannabis!!!

Turns out Harrison Ford and his co-star Shia Leboeuf are passing the Dutchie to the left hand side. Allegedly, the action stars have been "Jones"-ing for a little weed on the set of their new film "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" (p.s. what a flipping mouthful)!

Apparently, Shia's hippy dad is getting in on the action as well. A family that smokes pot together gets high together!

On a personal note, I have personally witnessed Harrison Ford smoking pot in his car in the parking lot of the Stagecoach bar in Jackson Hole, WY (where he has his primary residence) -- so I do believe this story could be true.

Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent!!!

This is totally sad. Rachel Dratch has been out of work for so long she's decided to whine about it publicly. Recently when asked what she's been up to, she told the press, “Maybe you can tell me. I know you’re supposed to come up with fake stuff you’re doing. But honestly, I’m not doing much.” I'm warming up my violin to play a sad song for her and her sob story.

Listen, Rach, Hollywood will kick you in the balls if you let it. Whip out a new mug shot, a sex tape... maybe a racial slur. Girl, get your shiz together!!! You can do it!

Honeymoon Suite???

A couple from Vallejo, CA got so rowdy this past weekend that they spent their wedding nite in the big house!!! I guess when police responded to the many calls that nite, the groom and his hillbilly cousin "became aggressive" (in trailer park speak that means "went ape sh*t on") with the authorities at the scene -- both bitches got Tasered! Kodak moment!!!

Then wifey went postal and was arrested shortly thereafter for "public intoxication" (i.e. ripping off her top and attacking police).

All I want to know is, where was my invite to this festive little shin-dig???

Ready For Rehab???

Erin Moran has been a total drunken sh*t show on "Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp" this season. LOVES IT!!! So far, we've never seen the fit clubbers live together... hence drink together, but now CFC has decided to move the stars into barracks and give them booze. VH1 knows what to do to boost ratings!

Last week, Erin got blitzed and ate edible panties off a stripper!!! She also spanked the poor unsuspecting stripper and did her rendition of a booty dance up against her. Stripper was not paid enough, people. I think she went home and cried, "why couldn't it have been Chachi?"

This week she pulls a Sally (in "When Harry Met Sally") and simulates an orgasm in front of the other horrified campers. I also think there is more spanking and gyrating involved, so get your barf bags ready... it's going to be a drunken ride!!!

Who Will Be His Rock Of Love???

We are down to the final two on ROL2 and things are heating up. Assley hosted our ROL party last nite (thx to liz for the fierce enchiladas) and it rocked the casbah! On last nite's episode, the 'rents came to town (with the exception of Daisy's 'rents, as they kicked her out of the house when she was 15 for... well, she didn't tell us). Her ex? boyfriend, Charles' sister came instead.

What did we learn??? First, we learned that Ambre is really 37 when she told Bret she was only 31! I loved his pretending to remember her telling him that as we go to flashback! Too high-larious!!!

Second, Destiny's parents were awesome. They may have been straight out of the trailer park, but honestly, Bret had more chemistry with her dad than any of the 'hos in the house. I'm sad to say that the dad died of liver cancer before the show aired and they had an "in memoriam" at the end of the show. Tear jerker. It still didn't stop Destiny from getting thrown off. Bye bye, sweetheart!

So Daisy and Amber are in it to win it!!! I'm on Team Daisy. Who do you think will win???

Seperated At Birth!!!

Is it just me, or is the new Jordan/Katie Price/Total Hag look just like a dagged down Kristy Hoe... I mean Kristy Joe from Rock of Love 2??? I swear nothing was worse than Kristy Joe, but along came Katie Price/Old Nappy Beyatch...

The Hooker Handbook!!! TGIF!!!

From Hottie To YIKES!!!

Remember when Jordan was hot? No more, my friends. Katie Price is here to stay and it's not pretty. I think in the close ups she has some warts above her lip. She's deflated her boobs, her hair has gone from bombshell blonde to dishwater fugly... she's wearing clothes for pete's sake!!! Jordan, come baaaaaaack!!!!!!

P.S. I'm sure Scientology is involved here. It's just too awful for them not to have a hand in this.