Coco's Freak Of The Week!!!

Okay, so this is Matt Hooker aka Nicole Kidman's stalker!!! A while back he was going to run for President of the United States in 2004. Unfortunately, he was too busy being crazy to actually run for office. However, here is a high-larious article on Mr. Hooker on why he should run for Governor... http://blacktable.com/zulkey030904.htm

This dude is so bat shiz crazy that he used to have entire websites dedicated to the voices in his head. Sadly, he has taken them all down. But luckily here is a snippet:

E! Online reported on July 18th that Hooker had claimed he himself is being stalked... by Ben Affleck. In a rambling statement on his beautifulbutdangerous.com Web site, Hooker claims that Affleck has stalked him 5 times, generally wearing a fake moustache and "dressed like a Frenchman." The statement details alleged stalking and conspiracies by various others, such as a guy who beat him up in high school. He claims these conspirators are intent on harrassing him, stealing ideas from him and discrediting him, and that "a group of pot and cocaine users has it out for me."

Hooker also claimed that magician David Copperfield had also been stalking him.

On a personal note: This guy used to be my tutor in jr. high... no lie! Also, my nanny was on America's Most Wanted. I'm not sure if my mom is the best judge of character. But whateves! It sure explains a lot about me though :)

Bill Murray A Crazy Abusive Hubby??? No Way! Okay, Maybe A Little!

Bill Murray's wife of 11 years, Jennifer, is divorcing him on the grounds that he smokes pot and drinks a lot. Oh and may smack her around! Pssshhh! Bitch, that's nothing... walk a day in David Gest's shoes when he was married to Liza. Remember how she would throw vodka bottles at his head!!! Gotta love Liza!

Any hooters, the soon to be ex-Mrs. Murray claims that he hit her in the face and said "You're lucky I don't kill you!" Then allegedly skeedaddled off to Europe and slept with a bunch of hookers. I'm not sure, but this smells a lot like the wifey's pissed she signed a pre-nup that gives her basically nothing and she's trying to Denise Richards her way out of it!!!

This is Hollywood, lady... suck it up!

Thanks to Eric for bringing this story to my attention :)

Manbabies???

This website just landed in my inbox and I thought I would share it with the world!!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To Bed!!!

Some poor kid in England was just trying to catch some Zs when he was attacked by a shark!! Okay, so that's not exactly how it happened, but it sounds good. For reals, this teenage sleepwalker took a midnight stroll and walked right into the teeth of a dead souvenir shark from a family vacation. Ouch!

The teeth left blood pouring from the teen’s face, his mother, Susan, told Metro.co.uk.

“It was like something out of a horror film,” she said. “The shark must have been embedded in Sam's cheek for about 15 minutes and he was in a lot of pain.”

In the end, Hawthorne came away with only a small scar. “It was the most frightening experience of my life!"

I'll bet!

TGIF!!!

And The Hijinx Ensues With "Buford's Beach Bunnies"!!!

Buford's Beach Bunnies Trailer - Free videos are just a click away
So this was one of those movies I used to stay up late and watch on USA Up All Nite!!! Tom Hanks' brother stars in the movie as Buford (Forest Gump 1.0) who eventually bangs a bunny! Enjoy the trailer!

"Ob La Di, Ob La Da... Life Goes On"

Corky from "Life Goes On" is in a band!!! Loves it! Precious moments right here, folks!

There is a rumor about a Christmas album, but I was unable to find it online. If anyone knows where to find the elusive Corky Christmas album, let me know!

AAAHHHHH!!! Trainwreck!

This pic of the Olsen twins is so frightening I had to post it! Mary Kate is turning into a troll, while Ashley seems to be growing into a semi attractive woman.

Scandal-alert:
A source told OK! (via The Scoop), “The barista (at their local Starbucks) thought the Olsens were too thin, so whenever they ordered their usual drink, he would replace the skim milk with full-fat."

Personally, I think the barista was putting ugly sauce in MK's coffee! I'm going to be afraid to look under my bed tonite!!

And The American Idol Is...

Thank God!!!

Rehab Is For Quitters!!!

Another one bites the dust kids! Aerosmith frontman, Stephen Tyler has checked in to rehab. Honestly, he's an old timer... he should fly to Germany, have his blood transfused and then get back in the crack pipe saddle! I mean that's what Keith Richards would do. Rehab? Et tu, Stephen... et tu???

2gether At Last!!

He's been rumored to have worn a wedding dress when getting married to David Geffen in Malibu... She's a Rodeo Drive shoplifting felon... together, they're Hollywood's newest super couple!!!

According to Star mag, the two have been canoodling on the set of their new film "Pippy Longstocking Goes To Hell"... I mean "The Privates Lives of Pippa Lee" - awww, same thing! A source said they are always in each other's trailers. The source went on to say, "They are also always hugging on the set. The chemistry is really electric." Electric??? Let's get real, the only time Keanu ever had chemistry was with all the dudes in "Much Ado About Nothing" -- and if it couldn't get any better, someone made a vid of this ghastly, yet homo-erotic performance.



Anywho, Mazel tov to the happy couple!

Sick and Wrong!!!

I'm already regretting this post as I write about a new book called "No Regrets: The Best, Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever"!!! Above is probably the most ridiculous drunken nightmare of all time. I would rather wake up next to dead hooker in a hotel room in TJ than end up with this following me around my entire life. This tattoo is my Jacob's Ladder!

TGIF!!!

Viva Groove Tube!

Seperated At Birth!!!

Is is just me or does Work Out's Erika Jacobson more than resemble Angelina Jolie? The weird part? No one on the show EVER mentions it! Even weirder??? Erika has this bad self image of herself. If I looked in the mirror everyday and looked like Angie, I'd be like "to everyone in the world... suck it!"

The Gloves Are Off... Er, On!!

So it is down to the bottom two on American Idol... David Cook, the 25-year-old bartender from Blue Springs, MO and David Archuleta, the 17-year-old Mormon from Murray, Utah! Who will snatch the title??? Will it be David or David???

Honestly, I think Cook should take the crown, but with all the Disney tweeners out there, Archuleta could win the whole tamale!!!

When Bitchy Goes Wrong!!!

So, last week on Bravo's hit show "Work Out" (side note: I'm obsessed with this show) the shiz hit the fan when lesbian gym guru and star of WO, Jackie Warner, and her assistant Omarosa... I mean Lisa... made some snotty remarks about a client's boobs. It turns out the client's boyfriend heard the conversation and informed the two gossip girls that his girlfriend was a breast cancer survivor -- OOOOOPPPSSS!!!

According to assistant Lisa's blog, she claims "I apologized for the exact words I used immediately after her boyfriend walked out of the office. Her boyfriend was totally cool and understood, but wanted an apology from Jackie and not on behalf of her, as he overheard her making comments as well."

When the trainer of the client, Brian Peeler, confronted Jackie, she told him to get his shiz and get out! Well, that is exactly what Gatorade has told Jackie when they pulled their sponsorship of the show!!! It's a bitch when Karma comes back on you so quickly!

Jackie claims that she never said anything and it was all Lisa and the producer's editing and Peeler painting her the villain. Next she will be blaming global warming.

Ms. Warner needs immediate crisis media training for this issue. She needs to apologize on behalf of her gym and its employees and give free training to breast cancer patients around the world. Hey, it worked for Dog the Bounty Hunter. Remember "Santa Dog"???

And They Say Brit Brit Can't Multi-Task!!!

It may not be rocket science, but I find this progress!!! What's next? Gorging Cheetos while cooking up moonshine? Dreams can come true!

My only question: how is it she looks thin one day and preggers the next? Photo faux pas or living in her own fun house mirror? I don't give a crap... Go Team Brit!

Wish I Was Fishing!

Sorry y'all (suddenly I'm from Texas) that I've been home sick since Friday :(

I will be back tomorrow!!!

TGIF!!

One of my fav songs from the 80s! Enjoy!!!

Is Nick A Dick?

I have to be honest when this whole Nick Hogan crashing the car thing started I was def carrying a torch in the mob lynch, but now that I heard he plead "no contest" and asked for his punishment... I'm starting to feel like he's not such a monster after all. Don't get me wrong, he's still a complete douche, but a douche with some heart. Unlike his skanky tranny sister who wore her latest get up from Tramps R Us to court... this beyatch is all class saying "It's hard being a celebrity."

Anyway, before being sentenced, Nick said "I'll never, ever be able to tell John 'sorry' enough times to make up for what happened on Aug. 26. I loved John to death. He was like my oldest brother and my best friend. I'm ready to take my punishment."

And he will serve 8 months in prison, a suspended his drivers license for 3 years, 5 years probation, 500 hours of community service and he cannot drink during his probation (no way Nick will be able to pull this off) and have to complete a booze education program within the year.

Oh, why couldn't it have been Brooke???

Kill Speidi!!! Part... Six I Think?

Many requests have been made for more Kill Speidi and I have no problem filling the demand. I am now taking requests for killers, so feel free. This pic of Pet Cemetery's Gabe was sent to me, so who am I not to give Gabe a chance to finish the job so many before him could not. Good luck, Gabe. May the evil demons be with you!!!

The World Is Going To Pot... Part Three!

Sick and wrong, folks! According to the Houston Chronicle, two idiot jouvies went to a cemetery, dug up a corpse, decapitated it and then lit up using the head as a bong!

The dickheads below, Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of "abuse of a corpse"... WTF? So basically anyone can just dig up a body and do ANYTHING to it and it's all just some lousy misdemeanor. The dead really have no rights at all.

Valtrex, Anyone???

So I got this tip from a VERY reliable source that I promised not to reveal -- but apparently these kooky Dawson's Creek kids passed herpes among themselves so much, they created a Hollywood Super Strain!

I honestly think you can't be famous in Hollywood anymore unless you have a super strain of herpes. Luckily, they are easily obtained. Paris' super herps are so super you can catch them just by standing next to her!!! Don't take it from me, there are about a million satisfied customers.

Amy Winehouse In The Big House!!!

Amy Wino has been arrested for possession! GASP!!! I can't believe this! It's time to get Wino on Celebrity Rehab and be done with this shiz!

Allegedly she was brought into Scotland Yard for questioning, when the officer popped in a tape of her smoking crack and snorting coke. Dude, everyone saw that on YouTube like 5 years ago! I'm not sure Scotland yard is too up on things. I think they are waiting for Sherlock Holmes to cruise in and solve the case!

I'm wondering if she and Blake can get conjugals even though they are both in jail. Also, I have to discuss the below pic... WTF??? She's wearing pull-ups and a do rag -- not to mention the jar of mayo which I'm going to ignore as it's just too freaky to think about what she's going to use it for. I'm assuming from all the drug use, she's forgotten how to brush her nasty weave and use the potty!

High-larious Castro Disastro!!!

So tonite on Idol, Paula's drunken antics were upstaged by Jason Castro and his mighty bong!!! Not making the case for medical marijuana, Castro totally bit the doobie tonite with his high-jinx! The first song was like a bad karaoke nightmare that has caused earthquakes with Bob Marley rolling in his grave!!! No more baking special brownies for this little man! Later, dudster!

What Up With Ho's Bein' On Da Shows!!!

The trend has begun for young troublemakers to guest star on television. Brit Brit first introduced the concept of mean girl gone good on "How I Met Your Mother" a few weeks ago which sent ratings thru the roof. Not so much that she did that good of a job. I think most people tuned in to see if the Britster was going to pull a cheeto out of her ass and talk in a british accent. Now she is set to reprise her role as the relationship challenged receptionist.

Following in her DUI footsteps is Lindsey Lohan who is going to appear on the hit show "Ugly Betty." Good news for Betty views, LiLo is a halfway decent actress. Let's just hope LiLo stays sober to make it thru. Rumor has it that she's already 20 sheets to the wind. Stay tuned!Partial photo credit to Worth1000.com for Lilo's cross-eyed appearance. I could have done my own but this one was so funny I decided to use it instead.

Update: actual pic of Lilo on Ugly Betty.

Wait... This Isn't Brit Brit???

With that skank ass weave and those dimpled cheeks, I was sure this was Miss Spears! To my surprise it is OC alum and pot smoker extraordinaire, Misha Barton! Now we know the truth why she turned down the role on "Gossip Girl!" Girl, it is time to put down the bong and start working out.

Not Recommended By Podiatrists!!!

This is just sick and wrong... but you know I LOVES it!!! So this icky cop in Pennsylvania paid under-aged girls a thousand dollars to suck his nasty toes. EEEWWWW!!! And you know after he beat his street, those dogs were gnarly.

The perv's name is Michael Curtin, 36-year-old and totally fired from his job as a Munhall police officer. Police say he supplied alcohol to at least three teenage girls. Police say the girls accused Curtin of touching them inappropriately.

Police also say Curtin made contact with two underage girls on MySpace.com and offered them $1,000 to allow him to kiss their feet and suck their toes.

Curtin is being held in Allegheny County Jail. Bail has been set at $100,000. Curtin's attorney has declined comment.

Seriously, myspace needs to clean up its act!!! It's all about Facebook anyway.

Kill Speidi!!! Part... Does It Ever End???

These two would show up to the opening of a door!!! So here I am again, trying to kill these two with every power that I have!!! I've tried Jason, Jaws, Leatherface, Chucky... these idiots just can't stay home. I think they have the paps on their speed dial. Kill me now... this is never going to end. Speidi has turned their 15 minutes into forever. I might just have to give up and come to the conclusion that Speidi isn't going to die ever...